The Great Iranian Surrender:

Laurel/Hardy II

Bibi and The Donald stared at a giant map of Iran, looking increasingly confused. “I don't understand,” Trump said. “We told them to surrender. Very clearly. Tremendous words. The greatest surrender demand ever.” Netanyahu nodded. “Very explicit.” Yet Iran had apparently missed the memo and was issuing ultimatums of its own. “Nobody told me they were allowed to respond,” Trump complained. Bibi pointed at the map. “They have missiles, Donald.” Trump frowned. “Missiles? That's very unfair. We have missiles too.”

Then the bill arrived. Oil prices started climbing, shipping companies began sweating, and markets suddenly remembered that the Persian Gulf is rather important to the world economy. Trump stared at the numbers. “Wait—you mean this can make gasoline more expensive?” His advisers nodded. “Food?” Another nod. Trump looked horrified. “But I thought tariffs were supposed to make everything expensive!”

So they stood there waiting for Iran to surrender, while Iran issued more ultimatums and the economy began heading toward the emergency exit. Trump finally asked, “When are they going to realize we're serious?” The adviser sighed. “Sir, they already do. That's why they're threatening us.” Trump looked at Bibi. Bibi looked at the oil price. The oil price looked at the stock market. And somewhere at an American gas pump, a driver watched the numbers spin upward and muttered: “So this is what winning looks like?”

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